Running Diary of a Miami-free, stress-free day of College Football

Happy Saturday everyone! First off, thoughts and prayers to all of those affected by Hurricane Ian. Let’s hope today’s great slate of college football games can provide a much needed distraction for millions of Floridians.

I am coming to you live from Ruby Beach Brewing in downtown Jacksonville; my local watering hole. It’s 11:55 and I am enjoying my first beer of the day, an ice-cold Atlantico Lager. I like light beer. Don’t judge me. The Miami Hurricanes not playing today is a big relief. I can enjoy the day without the stress of getting extremely frustrated with something you love. (Sigh).

There are two important noon games today: #7 Kentucky at #14 Ole Miss and #4 Michigan at Iowa. My loyal bartender Ben was nice enough to put both games on for me.

12:05 – No Lee Corso on College GameDay today. Hope he feels better and comes back next week.

12:06 – Pat McAfee picks NC State over Clemson. He’s been okay on GameDay so far. I give him a “shrug” grade. If he wasn’t there, the show wouldn’t be any worse.

12:07 – Michigan starts with the ball. We have Todd Blackledge as the analyst for the Kentucky Ole Miss game. Not a fan. Can we get some younger announcers for big-time games? The college football of today has waived bye-bye to him.

12:10 – I’ll be the 375th person to point out that Michigan’s offense is not missing former offensive coordinator Josh Gattis. They go up 7-0 on Iowa, just over five minutes into the game. I miss Rhett Lashlee, a lot.

12:15 – The weather is beautiful in Jacksonville today. 78 degrees and sunny. Perfect day for beer, takeout, and football. I picked up a chicken and shrimp hibachi bowl for dinner. Looking forward to it.

12:17 – I like watching Kentucky play football. They are entertaining. Their quarterback is legit. Their skill guys can make plays. Plus Mark Stoops has Miami Hurricanes roots. As hard as it is to root for any SEC team, Kentucky is a team I can get behind.

12:19 – Iowa is punting. Shocker. I could legitimately write that sentence 14 times today.

12:20 – Great drinking game: drink every time Iowa punts. You will get hammered, I promise.

12:22 – Ole Miss punches it into the end zone to go up 7-0 after a long pass, setting up first and goal. A long pass? As a Miami fan, I don’t know what that is.

12:33 – Iowa’s offense is so bad. My gosh. It’s weird to see such a bad college offense in today’s game. Oh wait, I’m a Miami fan..I know exactly what that is like.

12:34 – TCU is beating CHOKlahoma early on, 7-3. I love that nickname. Meanwhile, Kentucky missed a field goal, and Lane Kiffin is fired up on the Rebels’ sideline. Any other Canes fans wish we somehow got him instead of Coach Cristobal?

12:38 – Iowa is moving the ball. I retract my earlier statement. Not the Miami part though. They still stink.

12:41 – Never mind. Another Iowa punt. Balance has been restored in the universe.

12:44 – TCU goes up 20-3 over CHOKlahoma. Music to my earholes.

12:47 – Michigan vs Iowa has turned into a typical boring Big 10 game. Big 10 noon games are tough hang.

12:50 – The bar has a decent crowd today. It will definitely be busier for the Jaguars vs Eagles game tomorrow. I can’t believe the Jags are 2-1 and look like a professional football team again. I guess that’s what happens when you replace a slimy, scumbag like Urban Meyer with an adult like Doug Pederson.

12:56 – How do we feel about the Fansville Dr. Pepper commercials? On the one hand, they do change it up and provide new content during the season, sparing the public from consuming the same exact commercials every weekend. That said, does anyone equate college football with Dr. Pepper? I do not.

12:58 – Michigan being up by 10 against Iowa is like being up 50 against a normal football team.

1:07 – I am so sick of Lily from AT&T. It’s time for a new spokesperson! Anyone else! I’m available. Just saying.

1:12 – Iowa punt.

1:15 – The inside of the bar has emptied out. I guess downtown Jacksonville didn’t get the memo that I was writing an article and wanted some entertaining people for content. Damnit.

1:16 – Just when I say that, three cute girls, all wearing ripped jeans for some reason, walk in. What’s with the ripped jeans? I have no idea. Also I am happily taken by a wonderful woman. Just an observation. (Gulp).

1:20 – TCU is up 27-10 on CHOKlahoma after the first quarter. Great to see another team with expectations fall apart. What’s that? TCU is much better than Middle Tennessee State? I’m sorry, I couldn’t hear you.

1:26 – Michigan goes up 13-0 with nine seconds left in the first half. Might as well be 100-0.

1:32 – Ole Miss leads Kentucky, 19-12 at halftime. Should be a good second half.

1:34 – TCU is going HAM against CHOKlahoma, leading 34-10 in the first half.

1:35 – I like the ESPN college football studio show with Matt Barrie, Joey Galloway, and Jesse Palmer. They have a good rapport. Today, Dan Mullen is subbing in for Palmer. He should be in a good mood considering all the money UF is paying him not to coach their football team. What a life. I’m not bitter or anything.

1:38 – One more beer before going home for the rest of the games today and tonight. It’s only my third, so please stop judging me.

1:40 – ESPN sends us to Yankee Stadium for a live look-in on Aaron Judge going for 62 home runs. Let me be perfectly clear: I couldn’t possibly care less about his home run chase. I am also willing to bet millions of other college football fans feel the same way. It’s a northeast thing. I lived up there, I get it. Just write it on the bottom line if he hits one; we’ll watch later.

1:41 – Judge is hit by a pitch. Wow. What excitement. It’s a wonder why no one under the age of 70 gives a shit about Major League Baseball.

1:43 – There are A LOT of HIV medication commercials now. What year is it?

1:51 – Second half starts for both games. Aaaaaand..Iowa punt. Hahaha.

1:52 – Giving my fingers a break.

2:27 – After a short walk, I am back home watching football with my balcony door open. Ole Miss is up on Kentucky, 22-19. Kentucky is a resilient team; they do not give up. Can Miami trade Coach Cristobal for Mark Stoops?

3:00 – Apologies. I was having computer issues and almost threw it off of my balcony. I’m still debating it.

3:03 – The Nissan Heisman House commercials are lame. Except for Barry Sanders. He’s always awesome.

3:14 – Ole Miss is going to win after an awesome defensive play; knocking the ball out of Levis’ right hand as it was going back to throw. Lane Kiffin is 5-0 in the SEC, with a win over a top-10 team. Impressive.

3:15 – Elsewhere: Iowa has somehow scored 14 points, but they’re going to lose to Michigan. TCU is killing CHOKlahoma 55-24. My goodness. Purdue is going to put an end to the undefeated “row the boat” Minnesota Gophers; fine with me. PJ Fleck is cool, but a little annoying. Illinois is stomping Wisconsin, 34-10. The Brett Bielema revenge game! Woo! Lastly, BC is hanging with Louisville. (Yawn). Unless something crazy happens, I’ll be back for the 3:30 games.

3:32 – Okay! We have Wake Forest at FSU, Alabama at Arkansas, Oklahoma State at Baylor, plus Iowa State at Kansas, and Northwestern at Penn State. This is by far the best 3:30 lineup so far this season. I’ll take Wake, ‘Bama, Baylor, Kansas, and Penn State.

3:44 – ‘Bama turns it over on a Bryce Young interception in the red zone. Yes.

3:45 – FSU is driving already. They are the bizarro-Miami this season. Everything is going right. TD pass from Jordan Travis, FSU up 7-0. He has come a long way in his career. Again, it’s the opposite of Tyler Van Dyke. Okay, that’ll be the last Miami complaint. (Yeah right).

3:48 – The trailer for the movie Amsterdam says it’s based on an “almost true story”. What the hell does that mean?!

3:54 – Wake Forest punting on their first possession. This FSU crowd is fired up. Is Mike Norvell good? Where am I?

3:58 – Another Aaron Judge live look-in. Ah! Make it stop! Nobody cares! They can’t even leave the sound on the football game. I appreciate the split-screen, but I want the sound.

3:59 – Also, MLB is not gaining any new fans with this. If anything, it’s alienating non-baseball fans and making us like their product even less. ESPN is at fault as well obviously. So. Dumb.

4:00 – Strikeout. Again, wow. Just the pure excitement of that was indescribable.

4:10 – Wake ties it up against FSU, 7-7. ‘Bama goes up 14-0. (Deep sigh). I will not be checking back unless Arkansas gets competitive.

4:29 – Baylor players look like human bananas in their all-yellow uniforms. Maybe that’s why they’re losing 9-3 to Oklahoma State.

4:32 – Wake goes up 14-7. They have a very impressive offense. QB Sam Hartman makes plays constantly.

4:37 – Wake gets a turnover on FSU’s first play of their drive off a Jordan Travis fumble. Now, that’s the Jordan Travis I remember!

4:41 – I don’t get the Danny DeVito Jersey Mike’s commercial. Is he supposed to be his character from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia? I don’t know that show so I have no idea. Either way, it’s not funny.

4:58 – Oklahoma State is up 16-9 over Baylor at halftime. They have played no one up until today, as in they were dead last in the country in strength of schedule. I’d say they are legit.

5:00 – Wake is controlling FSU at halftime, 21-7. Nice to see.

5:13 – Extended break. Be back around 7 pm.

7:02 – FSU is going to lose. Also, they don’t have a kicker. Interesting. Oklahoma State takes down the human bananas of Baylor, ‘Bama beats Arkansas without Bryce Young for an extended period of time, and Kansas is undefeated. Kansas! Pretty cool story. Plus, their uniforms are awesome.

7:15 – I am very much looking forward to the NC State at Clemson game. Should be good, and will be nice to see the ACC showcased in primetime.

7:17 – Texas A&M is getting worked by Mississippi State, 35-17, because of course they are. Bottoms up for all us Miami fans! Man, we stink. Cheers Cam!

7:27 – Watching two 3-1 teams play that don’t feel like they’re 3-1 in LSU at Auburn. It seems like Auburn head coach Bryan Harsin is hated by everyone around the school. It’s such a weird situation. And then there’s Brian Kelly. Pretty self-explanatory there.

7:30 – I understand why kids go to Clemson to play football for Dabo Swinney. He is a sincere guy who loves his players. That has to be attractive for so many high schoolers.

7:48 – Memorial Stadium is rocking for tonight’s game. Dabo is firing up the crowd. Love it. As an outsider, the team running down the hill is a little anticlimactic after all the music and buildup.

7:50 – Kirk Herbstreit correctly acknowledges the great work by the ESPN cameraman making his way down the hill.

7:52 – How long has the “defer” option been around? As a kid, I remember the team who won the coin toss being able to kickoff or take the ball, then the other team picked the direction. Now, the “defer” option gives you both. Seems weird.

8:01 – Clemson settles for a field goal after having first and goal inside NC State’s 5-yard line. Good to get points, but a disappointing start.

8:02 – I just saw the Lebron James AT&T commercial for the 726th time in the last week or so. Ugh.

8:03 – And the newest Progressive Insurance “turning into your parents” commercial comes to the rescue. The best.

8:08 – NC State QB Devin Leary makes a big third down throw to convert while getting crushed. That was impressive.

8:10 – North of Clemson, Duke is beating Virginia 14-0 at home at the end of the first quarter. What the hell happened to Virginia? Tony Elliot is a great offensive mind and they have talent on that side of the ball. But man, do they stink. First-year Duke head coach Mike Elko is getting the most out of his team so far this season. Good for him.

8:15 – NC State answers with a field goal of their own after a long drive. Only 19 seconds left in the first quarter. I like it! Some of these college football games are too long. I LOVE college football but nothing is worth four hours.

8:17 – Patrick Mahomes is awesome at football. He isn’t funny. Not sure why State Farm is trying to make him funny.

8:25 – More commercials! This game is going to take four hours no matter what.

8:27 – Is pizza getting worse? The food shown in Pizza Hut and Papa John’s commercials does not look appetizing, at all.

8:28 – Grey’s Anatomy is still on TV. I have no further comment.

8:30 – Missouri is beating Georgia in the second quarter. Not sure how long that lasts. Interesting though.

8:40 – Clemson gets a first down due to a running-into-the-kicker penalty on NC State. Can’t do that on the road and expect to win. That’s a Miami-type penalty.

8:43 – I love the sound of an ice-cold can of domestic, light beer being opened. This is my first one since the bar. I’m a lightweight now, and I’ve accepted it.

8:47 – Clemson goes up 6-3 with less than six minutes left in the first half. I am liking the pace of this game.

8:48 – I love seeing Ryan O’Reilly from HBO’s OZ in those AllState commercials. Always puts a smile on my face.

8:50 – Speaking of classic HBO shows, please check out my piece about Miami Hurricanes football and The Wire. At over 4000 words, it’s a great bathroom read!

8:54 – Clemson has a 36-game home winning streak at the moment. That’s cute. Call me when you get to 50, and I’ll start to get worried. For the uninformed, Miami has the record at 58 games. Hey, that’s the first positive thing I’ve said about the Canes all day! It’s because it’s from the past, of course.

8:56 – Targeting review. Let’s pray this takes less than five full minutes. It only took a minute, yay. I guess it was targeting. Big loss for Clemson as they are short in the secondary.

9:01 – Missouri is up 16-3 on Georgia. It should be 20-3 as Mizzou couldn’t punch it in from inside the 5-yard line. Stetson Bennett looks like a short, walk-on again. Not a complete surprise.

9:03 – NC State goes up 10-6 on Clemson. Good play-calling by the Wolfpack coaches. Less than two minutes left in the first half.

9:13 – Missouri leads Georgia 16-6 at halftime.

9:17 – Clemson scores on a DJU one-yard TD run. They go up 13-10.

9:18 – Food break.

9:40 – Georgia is driving to start the third quarter. It was fun while it lasted. That is in no way a reverse jinx. (Wink). I love a good reverse jinx. This one below was unfortunate.

9:56 – Remember everyone, there is a London NFL game tomorrow morning. 9:30 EST. You have to love the greed of the NFL. 14 hours straight of their product.

10:01 – NC State pulls back within seven points after a field goal. Clemson scored a TD earlier in the quarter. They lead 20-13.

10:04 – Georgia stalls out AGAIN in the red zone and settles for their fourth field goal of the game. Wild. Missouri up 19-12.

10:15 – Clemson and NC State trade punts, while Missouri makes a 56-yard field goal. Damn. Tigers kicker Harrison Mevis is going to be a local hero if they pull off the upset tonight. He has made five field goals, two over 50 yards.

10:18 – Clemson gets an interception off a tipped pass. Huge play. First turnover of the game. They take a 20-13 lead into the fourth quarter. Meanwhile, Georgia is driving again. Exciting night games.

10:24 – Georgia finally scores a touchdown, cutting Missouri’s lead to three.

10:25 – I am proud to say I have never watched one episode of any iteration of the reality show The Bachelor. Many of my brain cells have been saved by avoiding that show.

10:26 – College GameDay is going to Lawrence, Kansas next Saturday for the TCU at Kansas matchup. That’s awesome. Those Jayhawks fans are going to be all kinds of liquored, I mean fired up.

10:33 – NC State better get a move on if they want to win this game. Also, Georgia has the ball, trailing by three, with over seven minutes left. Ball game.

10:39 – Georgia scores and goes up 26-22 over Missouri. Ball game for real now. Oh well. It was fun while it lasted.

10:40 – The Clemson crowd was just singing Journey’s Don’t Stop Believin’. I love that song! It’s been one of my top-three favorites ever since the last scene in The Sopranos.

10:46 – Missouri punts with less than four minutes in the game. (Deep sigh). I know they were on their side of the field, but what are they doing?! What do they have to lose?! Georgia has been marching up and down the field in the fourth quarter. Missouri’s defense is tired. Lame. So lame.

10:53 – Turnover on downs by NC State. They look defeated.

10:54 – Georgia is running out the clock. Shocker.

10:55 – Pitt is losing to Georgia Tech, 19-7 in the fourth quarter. How pathetic is that? Oh wait, I forgot, I’m a Miami fan. I know all about pathetic performances against inferior competition.

11:01 – Clemson is going to prevail. They’re up 23-13 have first and goal with 3:15 remaining. NC State showed up, but didn’t make enough plays to win. Sounds like Miami at Texas A&M. I really needed a week off from Hurricanes football. Yikes.

11:07 – Clemson scores on a DJU bootleg, putting them up 30-13.

11:20 – Three and a half hours! Not bad haha. Clemson wins, 30-20.

11:21 – Great day of college football. Get home safe and enjoy your Sunday filled with, oh wait, more football! I love the fall!

Happy football everyone!